Lonely Planet

Was feeling tired and emotional last night. (Picked up this phrase from someone who is kinda growing on me in a strange fashion. I think more than scaring me, this has scared him and thus I guess the uncomfortable silence.)

Anyways, I was in a busy crowded mall last evening, my mom and granny who are here to visit me, requested me to do my own thing as they did not want to drag my painful company while they aimlessly went from one shop to another.

So here I was, all by myself at a Starbucks corner, while my two generations enjoyed their new-found freedom in the mall, questioning the purpose of my life. The ever-green question of "Who am I?" lurked in my head as I tried to seek solace in my Columbian cuppa.

I suddenly felt desperately lonely, I looked around and I found people laughing, smiling, chatting, enjoying their evening and I felt a strange pit in my stomach.

After years of fighting for my own space, my freedom to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, telling the world to leave me alone, I finally was ALONE..and I didn't like it a bit.

I felt the urge to go and connect with somebody, anybody. I looked through my phone and tried calling my friends, but they were fighting their own demons. Then I wondered how many people in this world were feeling lonely at the same moment. How many people missed the feeling of truly being in love, love that would make your heart sing, love that brings a skip to your step, love that makes you smile for no reason. How many people went back to an empty house, a house that used to be a home, how many people have their memories stored in freight boxes because they have no reason to unpack them. How many people want to be hugged but there is nobody around who can understand how they are feeling and thus seek solace in retail therapy or a pint of Haagen Dazs. How many people miss holding hands with the people they loved or waking up with somebody they truly loved. How many artists pined for an audience to inspire them to new heights. I wondered how many people felt the way I felt...

The worst disease to ever hit mankind is loneliness. Its everywhere and it affects everybody at some point or the other. The worst punishment for any living thing is when they are unable to reach out to another person. When you are not touched by anybody. The feeling of indifference is the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody.

We have just forgotten to connect with the world because we are so lost in ourselves. That's so detrimental to our own personal growth because we are nothing if we have lost our touch to reach out to another person and comfort them. Its useless to be gifted with human life if we have forgotten the feeling of humanity.

I promised to myself that my priorities for the new year will be to be a better person, to make true, unpretentious, real connections with the world around me, to be me and be proud of it, to not be afraid of baring my soul to someone in the fear of being hurt, to never stop feeling, to not be afraid of speaking my mind and of wearing my big beautiful heart on my sleeve. You might think that's awfully stupid of me, but that's my proof of honesty, and that will always be in your face. I want to reach to anybody and everybody around me who is hurting and I would like to try to heal them with the gift of love, affection and kindness.

Because at the end of the day it is kindness and love that makes the world go round.....