Thought

There is nothing more beautiful than true love and music and its hard to have one without the other....

Eclipsed..

Today's another day,where,

I can't seem to see the sun.

I am tied up

in these shackles of blue,

and no other hue
seems to get through.

I want to break free,

I want to run so fast,
but I am so frozen,

I can't even crawl.

I know there is more to me.

More than what can be seen.

But I am gripped by this eclipse

and its darkness is engulfing me.
I feel like a prisoner

within my own walls.
But the only person
Who can rescue me
is Me.
I need to get out of my way….

The Journey

Its amazing what journeys mean to so many people. It could mean adventure for few, for some its a route of self-discovery, some people use it to escape and some just want to get lost to find themselves. For me everytime, I am in transit or when I travel, I find myself thinking about the meaning of my life. What my hopes and aspirations are and where do I see myself going in the journey called Life. Its amazing to note that when you are flying high you actually get a better view of your own existence down there. Everything that seems so difficult or complicated seems to be so simple when you have a different perspective. Sometimes, you need to distance yourself from yourself to get a better understanding of who you really are.

As I take off from beautiful Amman, Sting's Thousand Years playing on my i-pod in the background, I can't help feeling blessed. I know that I am living a charmed life and I have embarked on an amazing journey. I can feel the eclipse slowly losing its grip over me and very soon my light will shine through, brightening up every single dark corner, where despair used to reside. The moments in my life have become like musical notes making perfect harmony, and my days have become poetry and every minute combines beauty, love and joy.

My life is beautiful and the clouds of desperation have borne sweet drops of rain that bring relief, comfort and hope. Hope- knowing that there is so much to look forward to, so many new journeys to make.....

I need to write..

I need to start writing again. The way I used to so fearlessly.. I need to find a way to find words the way they used to find me so effortlessly. The only way I can get out of this rut is by writing my way out of it. Each word I write is like a rung of a stair that will help me get out of this well of despair.

I used to be a golden phoenix who could rise from almost everything that life challenged me to. But somehow this time, I prefer the comfort of falling into the deepest darkness of my mind and take a break. There is a certain comfort in being a miserable grey lizard. People leave you alone, nobody wants to be surrounded by misery and self-loath. And maybe thats what I really want. Want to be left alone to my own devices and listen to what my bruised soul is really trying to tell me. I want to know why this pain never seems to go away. I want to know what I am so restless for. I want to know if I am ever going to find what I am looking for.

Till then, the only thing that I can get comfort from is the ocean... I want to lose myself in her embrace until all the hurt and disappointment that clings onto me goes away and I am healed from all my past wounds. The only thing that reminds me that they existed is from the sting that I feel all over where the ocean has touched me.

Happy Father's Day..

I am thoroughly and hopelessly tired and yet I cannot get any sleep because I cannot stop thinking. So here I am on my big king sized bed and I am like why the hell am I sleeping on my side of the bed when there was nobody on the other side? So I decide to lie diagonally in the hope to entice sleep but in vain. It becomes really hard to sleep when you have an entire screenplay of events running at the back of your mind with alarming details. I am thinking of the stuff that I should be including in my book. I am thinking of all the frogs I kissed and of all the toads I fell in love with, I am thinking of finishing all my unfinished errands that I always push on to tomorrow. I am thinking about my Dad. I am thinking about what he must be thinking. He must feel lonely too the way I feel it. He must feel betrayed too, the way I feel betrayed. He must feel angry too, the way I feel angry. We are cut from the same cloth, I have understood him while trying to understand myself and I know how he feels. I am having a secret fight with God right now and I am questioning Him about this injustice and about His gross neglect of such a talented man. I hope my Dad gets success the way he had envisioned it. On his terms because he has sacrificed everything to stay true to his music. I wish I can do something about this. Maybe I can do something this, I just have to believe I can and then I will. Maybe this is the purpose of my life. Maybe thats why I am feeling so incomplete and so lost. My dad and I are two sides of the same coin and our lives and dreams and hopes and aspirations are all intertwined and I cannot live my true destiny without being a part of his destiny.

Just stay alive Dad.. Dont you dare die..Just stay alive. I promise that I will make sure that you get what you deserve. I will make sure that you will get your audience, I will make sure that you will get your encore, I will make sure that you get your standing ovation. Because thats the only way I can tell you that I love you Dad...

Revolution..

I don't know whats going on, I dont know why I am so angry and upset. Everything is going right and perfect and yet I feel like I am being pushed in one way or another to confirm within guidelines and thought processes and I am feeling quite trapped, so trapped that even my thoughts don't want to come out and I feel like I am screaming inwards. Maybe its time for a change. Maybe its time for courage. Maybe its time for a revolution..

...

I seriously dont think opposites attract, I think they destroy..

....

Is it necessary to be close to feel together?