Parallel Lines explained

The greatest love stories of our time are not of people who are in a relationship with each other or who are married to the partner they love, the greatest love stories of our time are of people who love each other but for the very sake of that love have decided not to be with each other. Because passionate, deep and intense love is like a fire. It can give us warmth and yet it can also destroy us.

They say everything is fair in love and war.But they never said that everything was fair in friendship. Parallel Lines is about friendship. Love just got in the way.

So what happens when two muses meet each other? Do they just try to make a difference in each others lives and walk away or do they stick by each other for the rest of their lives complementing the other person cause they cannot seem to function without the other. This is the story of me and him who are completely different but yet we have managed to connect to each other. From the moment we met, it was just magic. It was not really love at first sight but it was more like understanding at first sight even if we dont understand everything about each other. We spend most of their time together, we work together, we chill out together, fight with each other, share a laugh and sometimes find solace in each other without even speaking a word and we generally agree to disagree most of the time. Life somehow seems complete when we are together, time sometimes flies, sometimes it stands still.. when we fight its like a volcanic eruption, when we make up its like the gentle rain.

Yes, I am in love with a man, who I cannot love. Because I know we would destroy each other. Because I have realized that we cannot live with each other. And if we did, we would make each other very unhappy. We are like parallel lines, lines that will and can never meet. Lines that run side by side beautifully in complete harmony and yet if they met, they would collide horribly. He is day and I am night. He is inert and I am volatile. We are together at the wrong time and at the wrong place and yet when we are together, it seems like a twilight zone where everything is just perfect. Cannot help but wonder how come something that feels so right can be so wrong.

So we show our love for each other in silent ways. A lingering look, a stolen caress, an unfinished thought, a sad sigh, in broken dreams, the first thought that hits you in the morning and the last thing you remember thinking about before you drift away to sweet sleep. We say many things without saying anything to each other. I might love somebody else but I am hopelessly in love with him. I know he loves me too but he does not want to admit it, or maybe he does not even realize that he does. There is something so hopeless about the whole situation that even reason does not prevail. I would jump if he asked me to jump, no questions asked. I know he would too for me. So what is the problem, you must be wondering. Well, its just that we care and adore each other too much to put us in that situation.

Yes, the greatest love stories of our time are those when you love someone silently from the very depths of your existence and yet are not able to explain why you love them so much. The greatest love of our time is when you love them and when you understand exactly that is the very reason why you have to let them go...

....

The opposite of love is not hate..its Indifference. If there is hate, atleast there is hope that somewhere there is little bit of care hidden in a corner. But there is no cure for indifference. Absolutely no cure..

Forgetting that I Remember

This year has been a rough year from the very start. In terms of love, in terms of friendship, in terms of work, in terms of life. I mean everything that I have looked forward to, everything that I have wanted, everything that I have desired, everything that has brought a smile on my face has left me. I wake up with nothing to look forward to, nothing makes me happy, I am just jaded, cynical and morose.

It also has been in this year that I have heard so many people tell me to move on, to let go, to forgive, to forget and when I hear them say it, I would like to ask them if they know how I feel. I have been the sensitive one from day one, everything gets to me, every harsh word leaves a mark on my spirit, every mean thing makes me cry and even though I am a woman today, I still react the same way. And the worse part is everyone around me knows this about me. I feel naked and vulnerable and very very alone.

And it is this because of this silence around me, I am able to hear my inner voice that questions me that maybe its is hard to forgive when one cannot forget, its hard to let go, if you are clutching on to everything with your whole life. And yes, I have been told that I have a killer grip.

I remember everything. Details from my childhood, details that my parents have forgotten, things that I should have forgotten too, but I still remember. Its not that I have not moved on from the past, but I simply just remember. Just like I have never forgotten the last names of all my school friends, just like I have never forgotten a good friends’ birthday. Just like I have never forgotten a good deed when I was down and out. I think the one thing that helps a person to stay loyal is because they remember the goodness of the person they are loyal too. I guess that’s why dogs and elephants are considered loyal and noble creatures. They never forget.

Maybe I should consider getting my memory reversed, or maybe I should pretend that I don’t remember. My memory is the root cause of all my suffering. It seems that the whole world is pretending. Pretending that they don’t see, pretending that things don’t bother them, pretending that things don’t get to them. And these are the same people who talk about being truthful and being honest. And yet when they see honesty across the table, they respond to her with lies and deceit and indifference. I guess, I have realized the truth about truth. Its overrated….

To pretend that nothing gets to you, to ignore things that bother you, to run away from the truth and blame the world for the things that go wrong instead of looking inwards are the things that are included in my new- year resolution. Maybe it will change the things that make me who I am but atleast it protects me from new painful memories. Because I am sick and tired of documenting everything or maybe I am just running out of disk space and I need to delete stuff that I don’t use anymore. I need to teach myself to forget. Or maybe just pretend that I have forgotten that I remember.