Stranger in the mirror

 

Last night, as I got in home from dinner, I caught my reflection in the mirror in my passage and I felt that I saw a stranger staring back at me. A stranger that looks like me, but there was something very very different, something new, something abstract, something that I couldnt put my finger to, but there she was, looking at me in the eye, absolutely sure of herself, and it didnt seem like an illusion.. I stood there in the passage, looking at myself in the mirror, which seemed to me like an eternity and then suddenly it dawned upon me.. I had changed from the person I thought I was to the person I really was and for the first time in my life I saw me. As I write this, tears are pouring out of my eyes leaving streams of mascara on my face as if they are witness to this new second birth of mine. I finally knew what the meaning of my life was. It is overwhelming, this moment and yet it brings with it an ocean of calm, of peace and of pure joy, something that is very explain to describe but it is also very visible. But it also comes with the end of the illusions that I had about me, and letting go of something that I believed was the truth is like getting rid of a warm blanket on a very cold night.

After years of fighting my insecurities, dealing with cold lonely nights, of having love and then losing it and then finding it again only to realize the possibility that I might have never experienced true love in my entire life, I have suddenly realized that more than anything in this world, I feel passionately about my freedom and I want to live my life in the pursuit of beauty, performance and constant evolution.

That is probably the reason why the 15 year old me decided to leave home inspite of having no idea where she was going, because everything at home was so dark and grey and ugly and the person inside me felt stifled and suffocated and she had to get away.

That is also the reason why, I am constantly trying to metamorphosize into something new, into something better..into something magnificent.

There is a warrior inside of me, who wants to conquer the world, who has burning desire , who doesnt take no for an answer, who dreams with her eyes open, who wants to experience everything that this life has to offer, who wonders whether she could get a chance to live after death, who believes that this world is her audience, and its waiting for her, who doesnt want to be tied down, who doesnt want to be held back, who doesnt want to be loved if that involves clipping her wings.

It seems that I had been living my life with my eyes wide shut and suddenly I have opened my eyes and I see beautiful colors and hues and beauty in various forms and I am bedazzled, trying to take everything in, trying to make up for lost time and in a funny way I dont feel anything is missing from my life anymore, I have found the missing piece. I have found me..