WHY?
I think I had the most terrible night of my life last night. A couple of my guy friends came over to have some home cooked curry before Ramadan kicked in and we were having a very good time generally.
My school friend who recently got married was talking about the love of his life- his better half and we were watching his wedding tape. My Egyptian buddy was asking us questions about Indian culture while watching the tape and both my school friend and I were taking turns to explain why we did what we did.
Before we knew it, the conversation turned to men and women and what is marriage material and out of the blue my school friend quipped, " You know what mate, you are so not marriage material." I was shell shocked. I mean why was he saying this, so I asked him that. To that he said that its because I intimidated men and scared the shit out of them which is why I havent had a steady and have had off and on relationships.
While outwardly, I seemed visibly upset, inwardly I was quickly calculating how much truth was loaded in his statements. All my life, I have been in relationships where I have earned more than my my boyfriends. All my life, I have been more driven, more ambititious and more focussed than the average Indian woman and I have achieved success in my life. I literally have a rags to riches story. While as I kid, I wore hand me downs, I now wear a Giorgio Armani suit. While in college I had torn shoes and no money to take a rickshaw home, I now drive a Mini Cooper. While growing up, we were thrown out from one house to another, I now live in a beautiful home which I re-decorated. While as a kid, I had nothing, I now have everything I desire in the materialistic sense and I achieved it all by myself. And yet in terms of meaningful relationships I was still in the woods. Still looking for someone to share my life with, still hoping that God made someone for me.
My friend boasted that he could have gotten married to a drop dead gorgeous woman if he so desired but he decided to marry his wife because she was comfortable to be with and he was the boss. He also remarked that if his wife ever earned more than him he would instantly divorce her and that he would walk out of the relationship if he was asked to wash the dishes. And yet he was the same guy (after 8 caronas) who confessed that he regretted the fact that he got married, that he would love to have paid sex with a whore even though he loved his wife. He laughed at me when I said that I would not be able to live in a relationship where my man had flings with other women and he told me that for me to get married I would have to let men be men...Even if I was making more money than my better half, I should be able to make him believe that he made more.
The more I heard him talk, the more respect I was losing of him and the more I was boiling inside. I mean whatever happened to men who were men because they believed that women were equal. Why can't real men cheer their women when they achieve the height of success, why is it so difficult for a woman who is loving, affectionate, kind and considerate and also successful to have a honest, loving and faithful man by her side? Why is it so difficult for women to have it all? Why are successful women labelled as intimidating, high maintainance and not marriage material? Why?
My school friend who recently got married was talking about the love of his life- his better half and we were watching his wedding tape. My Egyptian buddy was asking us questions about Indian culture while watching the tape and both my school friend and I were taking turns to explain why we did what we did.
Before we knew it, the conversation turned to men and women and what is marriage material and out of the blue my school friend quipped, " You know what mate, you are so not marriage material." I was shell shocked. I mean why was he saying this, so I asked him that. To that he said that its because I intimidated men and scared the shit out of them which is why I havent had a steady and have had off and on relationships.
While outwardly, I seemed visibly upset, inwardly I was quickly calculating how much truth was loaded in his statements. All my life, I have been in relationships where I have earned more than my my boyfriends. All my life, I have been more driven, more ambititious and more focussed than the average Indian woman and I have achieved success in my life. I literally have a rags to riches story. While as I kid, I wore hand me downs, I now wear a Giorgio Armani suit. While in college I had torn shoes and no money to take a rickshaw home, I now drive a Mini Cooper. While growing up, we were thrown out from one house to another, I now live in a beautiful home which I re-decorated. While as a kid, I had nothing, I now have everything I desire in the materialistic sense and I achieved it all by myself. And yet in terms of meaningful relationships I was still in the woods. Still looking for someone to share my life with, still hoping that God made someone for me.
My friend boasted that he could have gotten married to a drop dead gorgeous woman if he so desired but he decided to marry his wife because she was comfortable to be with and he was the boss. He also remarked that if his wife ever earned more than him he would instantly divorce her and that he would walk out of the relationship if he was asked to wash the dishes. And yet he was the same guy (after 8 caronas) who confessed that he regretted the fact that he got married, that he would love to have paid sex with a whore even though he loved his wife. He laughed at me when I said that I would not be able to live in a relationship where my man had flings with other women and he told me that for me to get married I would have to let men be men...Even if I was making more money than my better half, I should be able to make him believe that he made more.
The more I heard him talk, the more respect I was losing of him and the more I was boiling inside. I mean whatever happened to men who were men because they believed that women were equal. Why can't real men cheer their women when they achieve the height of success, why is it so difficult for a woman who is loving, affectionate, kind and considerate and also successful to have a honest, loving and faithful man by her side? Why is it so difficult for women to have it all? Why are successful women labelled as intimidating, high maintainance and not marriage material? Why?
posted by NishaDelisha at
2:22 AM
2 Comments:
OMG!! Don't even want to ask who he was but OMG...I can't believe this guy falls from the same "generation" as u and i...
A common enough situation, I would say. Not his, but yours. Frankly, the only reason I imagine you feel lonely is because you dont know enough women like yourself- Smart, successful women, who will wait for the right man. Believe me, it's worth the wait!!! Don't settle for the mediocre, and life will eventually hand you the best. :)
Wishing you love and luck- lots of both !!
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